Four White Walls
by SVUAddict
Summary: Does anyone wonder what Faith thought about while she was in jail? I did. So I wrote this little story to show what she thinks.


Title: Four white walls

Author:

Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel. I only own the story line.

Summery: Does anyone wonder what Faith thought about while she was in jail? I did. So I wrote this little story to show what she thinks.

A/N: This is going to be a one-shot fan fiction unless you the reader say otherwise.

All day and all night all Faith had was her bed and the three walls that surrounded her. Here she was forced to think about what her life had come to be and how she felt about. She couldn't push the thoughts away any longer. She thought about her Mom and her watcher. She wondered what her watcher would think if she saw her now. Would she think that she had failed as a watcher in her teachings of her? Would she be disgusted with how Faith had turned out? Faith was surely disgusted with everything she had done. When she was in Buffy's body and she was in the church. She felt everything that she felt when she was trying to save those people. She felt a sense of pride for being able to stand up to the vampires. A sense of pride for saving those victims. But as soon as she was put back into her own body all she could feel was pain, regret, and loss.

Now looking back on all that had happened she realized it was her fault that everything had gone the way they had. Buffy and her friends had been trying to help her. Buffy even helped her fight Kakistos. But she had been the fool to push them away. They were willing to accept her for who she was and she took advantage of them. She wished she could change the past. She really did. She would have done everything differently. She may have not let them into how she was feeling about her past but she sure would have become their friend and maybe over time she could trust them and they would help her over her past.

Her distrust all rooted from her mother. Her mother was an alcoholic. She never knew who her father was. It wasn't until she met her watcher that she felt like she belonged somewhere. That someone gave a damn about her. Her mother never cared about her. All she cared about was her alcohol and the many nameless men she dated and slept with. Faith never really got over that and that was why she had trouble trusting people. She was always afraid they would be like her mother and turn away from her. That was where she got her take what's mine attitude. Early on in life she had learned that she had to take what she needed because her mother obviously wasn't going to give it to her. She watched her mother take what she needed from men and move on. So that's what Faith did.

"You got a visitor Faith," a guard said breaking her out of her thoughts. Faith nodded and followed him out of the cell and to where she would meet with her visitor. She sat down at the table and was surprised to find Buffy sitting on the other side of the glass. Faith picked up the phone and Buffy did the same.

"Sup B," Faith said shifting into her fake carefree attitude that she had mastered so long ago. She used it around everyone. The only person she ever let it down for was Angel and even then she didn't know why she did.

"Hey Faith," was all Buffy could say.

"Love the whole visit, but why are you here?" Faith asked. She was confused to hell as to why Buffy had suddenly decided to visit her. They had left things on bad terms. So seeing her here shocked Faith. Even Angel had stopped visiting. He used to come once a week. Than it decreased to twice a month and than it was once a month. Than Angel just stopped coming altogether.

"You know me Faith, the caring girl," replied Buffy replied. Faith looked at her strangely.

"Since when did you ever give a rat's ass about my well being?" Faith asked stunned.

Buffy shrugged.

"I had a dream that something happened to you," admitted Buffy. Faith rolled her eyes.

"Did you want to come see if I was still alive?" Faith asked, "If you found out I wasn't were you going to have a party? At last the dark slayer would be gone." Buffy sighed and looked around the room. Faith studied her closely and found something in her eyes that she had never seen before but she couldn't identify what it was or she was too lazy to think.

"It's not like that Faith," insisted Buffy, "It's not so much with the happy but more with the fear. I was afraid that you would die before we had a chance to work things out." Faith was shocked to the core that Buffy would say something like that. As far as Faith was concerned Buffy hated her. And to Faith she deserved to be hated. She had done so much to Buffy to deserve to be hated.

"Why is that B?" Faith asked. Buffy sighed and searched for the right words that would help her explain to Faith what she was talking about.

"You see I've been thinking about this for awhile and I've realized that your going all evil is partly my fault," Buffy explained. Faith's eyebrow raised at Buffy's confession. She knew this explanation was going to be interesting to say the least. She never would have pegged Buffy for making these kinds of confessions.

"It's not your fault…"

"But it is Faith," Buff cut her off, "I knew that you were just scared and lonely and that's why you acted the way you did. My friends welcomed you but I was jealous of you and my attitude made it impossible for you to trust me. When you killed that man it was just the excuse I was looking for to get the others to hate you. I saw the pain and regret in your eyes but I held my tongue because I was getting my friends back. I'm so sorry Faith. I could have prevented you going all evil but I didn't." Faith saw the sincerity in Buffy's eyes.

"I'm sorry too," Faith apologized, "I'm sorry for everything I put you and your friends through." Sincerity could be seen in Faith's eyes and heard as Faith spoke.

"So, are we cool?" Buffy asked.

"We're cool."

A/N: What did you think? Do you like it? Read and Review.


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